Reflections for the Loves of My Life...

"Be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances,

for this is God's will for you." I. Thess. 5:16-18

This coming Wednesday my husband will be having open heart surgery. We are in the midst of preparing ourselves for what is sure to be a pretty intense time of recovery, needed patience and grace, and a touch from our Father's great mercy. As I try to place myself in the events of this coming week and in anticipation of seeing Fred in any discomfort, I do know that we will be on the other side of it all in a relatively short period of time. By Christmas, he will be almost healed, back to work, and our lives will be back into the usual rythyms and flow that have become the routine of our empty nest.

These past few days have held some surprises that I wish to record here. First, I've known that Fred has ministered with a very personal one-on-one touch to literally thousands of people over these past years as Chaplain and as "a" Care Pastor at our church. I know this because I can't get through a Saturday run into Costco without being stopped by someone who's life Fred has touched, or the mall, the corridors of the hospital, and certainly at church. But this week, as word has spread that he is having this surgery, the calls and cards and emails have been pouring in, reminding me once more of the ministry that Fred has had with so many. And today we learned that the blood donor center has been busy with a number who have stepped forward to donate platelets and blood for Fred. The donors are saying, "this is my chance to give back to Fred." I've heard Fred say numerous times, "you never know where your touch may go." Well, we've learned this week in new ways where his touch has been, that is for sure. And now there are those who wish to step in and touch his life and help in any way they can.

I've been asked if I'm afraid. My immediate response is that neither of us are afraid of death--and there is no question in my mind but that God will take care of me if anything should happen to Fred. But I do fear physical pain for him. And there is some nervousness, almost as though we are preparing for a great stage play in which we are major players. And of course both of us know that there are so many people facing impossible circumstances, losses, illness, pain, and sorrow, far greater than anything we are dealing with at this time.

And I give thanks for the heart of my husband. It is a heart that has certainly known pain, has ached for others in pain, has rejoiced with those who have rejoiced, has been broken and contrite before the Lord, has been filled with pride over his children and grandchildren, has sacrificially loved his wife, has been the true heart of a servant, and is a heart that as a young boy asked the question, "can God use a skinny little kid like me?" It is this heart that I have loved for the past 38 years--not a perfect heart mind you, but, like my own heart and yours, one for whom Christ died.

Years ago I had a major surgery and Fred sang a song at church for me, "He Giveth More Grace." I'm singing it for him in my heart tonight:

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,

He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;

To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,

To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources,

Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,

His power no boundary known unto men;

For out of His infinite riches in Jesus,

He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

So as I look toward this week ahead, and prepare my own heart to trust the Lord completely, and to place my husband in the hands of perfect strangers to handle his heart, I do give thanks for this circumstance and know it is God's will for us at this time--the God who knows, who sees, and who cares and will heal.